He is a 16 year old Junior often has trouble writing in the third person, because Zach is not a caveman. Zach used to run cross country, but later found out that his leg bones were literal garbage, and couldn’t run without shattering them. The highlight of his day is waking up every morning and seeing what scavengers are eating the perfectly good food the cat refused to touch the night before. When he’s not writing for this paper, he enjoys brainstorming less serious articles to write when the paper finally allows satire.