As a man of high class, I find this “bio” quite insulting — many biographies have been written about me, so surely you know who I am. If I must, though, this is what I would say: I am a man of high class that is proficient in everything except for things in which I am not proficient. I am named after Kurt Vonnegut and Publius, but I am much more than the sum of their collective minds. Finally, show me some respect — I am giving this “publication” quite an honor by writing for it, so no criticism will be tolerated.