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St. X Bathrooms Graded

March 1, 2022

There seems to be this sentiment within the common culture of being too afraid to use the bathroom in school. The most obvious example of this lies in Greg Heffley from the magnum opus Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Jeff Kinney explores the reality of this paresis in his esteemed literary work Diary of a Wimpy Kid. The main character Greg enters middle school and is nervous to use the bathroom. He fears a big bad eighth-grader will give him a swirly or worse, make him drink from the toilet. For all who may experience feelings of anxiety surrounding using the bathroom here at St. X, allow me to help. I am extremely confident in my ability to point you in the direction of solid places to do that which must be done.

Hoeck Building First Floor: The secret’s out! I feel as if in my early years this was a bit of a secret, however now this restroom is constantly packed. There is absolutely nothing worse than making eye contact with the person who goes in the stall as you leave. The lack of multiple stalls gives this a B- grade.

Hoeck Building Second Floor: I firmly believe there is potential in this rest stop, however, there is also great risk. This is a small room and I feel as if more than anywhere else this is a spot you will run into a teacher. The small nature of the room can put you into a situation where you think you might need to acknowledge said teacher, which is automatically awkward because you are in a bathroom. If you are anything like me, an awkward encounter can ruin an entire day. The traffic in this restroom is light, and that is why this restroom has earned a B+.

Driscoll Activities Center (next to the auditorium): A normal school day for most students will not bring you to this stop. However, with freshman and sophomores currently eating lunch in the Sterne gym, this contributes to increased traffic in this restroom. As a journalist, it is my duty to avoid all stereotypes, yet it is a fact that part of the natural maturation process is being less disgusting in the bathroom. The high concentration of freshman and sophomore use is a massive red flag and that is why this earns a C+ grade. 

T First Floor: Major traffic problems — you know how people in Los Angeles always talk about the 405 being so packed — that is the first floor T restroom. Last year, this was a bathroom that was completely avoided by me, but there was a moment when everything changed. Dividers! Rejoice! Dividers absolutely changed the game here. I hated this bathroom last year, but now it is manageable. For these reasons this bathroom earns a B-.

T Second Floor: Much of the story for this bathroom is the same as the first floor T. Before and after school I love this bathroom, but between classes I hate the traffic. There is nothing worse than someone staring you down and as an admittedly shy person, this can make me nervous. This bathroom earns a B.

Cafeteria: I think this is a top sink bathroom in the school. Many bathrooms in this school were constructed before germs existed and therefore the sink to pot ratio is totally skewed. I really appreciate that the cafeteria has many sinks, especially because I like to wash my hands before I eat. Before lunch periods, this bathroom is one of the best in the whole school; however, during lunch this is a totally different story. For these reasons the cafeteria earns an A-.

CMC: I don’t know anything about architecture but for whatever reason this bathroom feels like it has harsh architecture. Perhaps it’s because the temperature is cold. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I can’t get comfy here. I do appreciate the expanded layout in the remodel that was a part of the massive renovation of the CMC; this bathroom has good flow and the traffic is to a minimum. There is just something about this spot that isn’t comfortable, earning it a B.

Weight Room: I am a massive fan of this bathroom. I find this to be an incredibly roomy and spacious spot. Much of the time I was in here I did have to be in a rush because I was in the weight room for a team lift, but I still think this is a great spot. One thing I always found fascinating was only the one sink. There is ample room for two sinks but they just went with the one. I wish there was another sink, but the spacious room makes up for this, earning it an A-.

*faculty restrooms, women’s restrooms, and locker rooms excluded due to obvious restrictions*

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