Everyone knows the NBA is a 5v5, but what if we took the best players on each team with similar play styles, and matched them against each other. This is the most chaotic, trash-talk-filled, highlight-reel-worthy basketball event of all time. These are 1v1 battles featuring NBA stars at their absolute peak. No teams. No referees. Just pure, ego-driven, blacktop style basketball in a classic game to 21.

Let’s break down how these matchups would go:

Luka Doncic vs James Harden: The Battle of the Step Back

This is the slowest game of basketball ever played. This game could actually be played on a treadmill moving at the slowest speed. On offense, both players operate at their own, painfully slow pace, spamming step-backs until the defender gets tired of even pretending to contest. On defense? Well, let’s just say the chances of them playing defense is the same chance as pigs flying.

How It Goes Down

The first five possessions are just Luka and Harden spamming step-back threes from the exact same spot. No defense is attempted just pure ISO ball at 0.5x speed. At one point, Harden slaps Luka’s arm and Luka falls over dramatically, and screams “FOUL”, despite the fact that there are no refs. They begin exchanging invisible fouls, high-fiving after each whistle that doesn’t actually exist. Midway through the game, both players call a timeout, not to rest, but to order Uber Eats. Luka gets a full plate of barbecue, Harden goes for lemon pepper wings, and they eat mid game like it’s halftime. Eventually, Luka tries to back Harden down in the post while simultaneously talking trash to an imaginary ref in Slovenian. Harden, annoyed, flops so hard he leaves the court. Luka, inspired, pulls a no-look step-back three while wiping barbecue sauce off his jersey, and it somehow goes in.

Winner: The game never actually ends. It’s just called off when both players decide they’d rather go to a buffet together.

Steph Curry vs Dame Lillard: The Deep-Range Shootout

This game is not about winning. This is about disrespect. Layups? Illegal. Mid-range shots? Illegal. Defense? Illegal? This is a three-point contest, but with trash talk, logo shots, and unimaginable levels of confidence. The only rule is that every shot must be at least 35 feet away from the basket.

How It Goes Down

Curry walks onto the court, casually launches a three from the half court, and swishes it. Dame sees this and without care, he responds by pulling up from the parking lot. Both players just look at each other, give a head nod, and without saying anything they agree that no 2’s are allowed. The game turns into a battle of who can hit the most impossible shot while barely looking at the rim. At one point, Curry shoots a no look shot but Dame is as confident as ever. With the game tied at 18, Curry hits a turnaround, no-look, underhand half-court shot and hits his night night celebration before it even goes in. Game over Steph wins! Curry laughs, daps him up, and asks if Dame wants to go golfing later. Dame says “nah” and just walks away.

Winner: Prime Curry, because chef curry cooks anything, even other players.

LeBron James vs Prime Giannis Antetokounmpo: The Superhuman Collision

Both players are 6’9”+, built like linebackers, and capable of dunking from places where dunking should not be possible. You should expect backboard-shattering dunks, full-speed freight train collisions, and property damage to the court.

How It Goes Down

The game starts with both players sprinting at each other full-speed like two runaway trucks with no brakes. The first possession ends in a dunk so powerful that the basket has to be reattached. LeBron, realizing that Giannis still shoots even though he’s a worse shooter than my grandmas WiFi since he can’t connect when it matters. LeBron sees this and starts sagging off on defense. Giannis, insulted, airballs a three, then immediately sprints full-speed for a dunk from the free-throw line to make up for it. After a lot of LeBron fadeaways, and dunks from Giannis, the game tied at 20, Giannis tries to end it with one last rim-rattling dunk, but it’s “BLOCKED BY JAMES!!!” LeBron gets the ball back and drains a three to end the game.

Winner: Prime LeBron, because basketball IQ > pure athleticism.

Anthony Edwards vs Ja Morant: The Gravity-Defying Dunk Contest

This game is just two dudes trying to put each other on the greatest poster of all time. No jump shots. No defense. Just pure, unhinged, disrespectful dunk attempts.

How It Goes Down

Ant opens the game by telling Ja he’s about to dunk on him. Ja, unfazed, immediately tries to jump OVER Ant from the free-throw line. For the next 20 minutes, the game is just two athletic specimens trading between, off-the-glass self-alley-oops, dunks so violent the rim bends, and crazy poster attempts. The game should end in a tie, but with the score at 20, Ant tries to end it by dunking over Ja, gets denied, Ja then does a 360 windmill dunk and wins the game.

Winner: Ja, because he continuously defies gravity

LaMelo Ball vs. Trae Young: No Defense, Just Vibes

This is not a competitive game, it’s two guys having the most fun possible while actively refusing to play defense.

How It Goes Down

Before the game even starts, LaMelo throws a full-court lob to himself and casually windmills it. Trae responds by pulling up from half-court with zero warmup and he swishes it. Neither player even considers contesting a shot. Every possession is either a logo three, an off-the-backboard pass to themselves, or a no-look, behind-the-back dime to literally no one. At one point, Trae tries to nutmeg LaMelo, and Trae gets it and hits a layup. With the score tied at 20, LaMelo tries a step-back, no-look, 720-degree fadeaway it somehow goes in.

Winner: LaMelo Ball because you can do anything with LaVar Ball in your corner